Many of us talk a good game about our willingness to seek feedback to help us become top performers. The reality is that constructive criticism that comes with annual performance reviews (APR) can trigger intense fight-flight-or-freeze reactions.
Here’s why: When we experience psychological threats, our bodies produce the same chemicals that it would if we were face-to-face with a physical threat, say a charging bull for example.
David Rock (2001) developed the SCARF model which describes what happens in our brains when we face specific psychological threats to our needs for Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness.
Reduction in Status activates the same regions in our brains that are activated when we experience physical pain. A less than desired performance conversation literally hurts. Without Certainty our brains experience an error in the orbital frontal cortex. The feeling that our review is in someone else's hands threatens our Autonomy and produces a strong threat response. And, if we perceive the process as unfair, our body produces an intense emotion of disgust.
These five tips can help us to prepare to receive constructive criticism and build the long-term resilience:
Be prepared. Most of us review our accomplishments in preparation for a performance review; it’s equally important to prepare by listening to your emotions during emotional awareness meditation.
Mind the Gap. Remember to create a gap between stimulus and response. In that gap, you can use mindfulness to help choose a response that will enable you to achieve our desired result. Pause, take a few deep breaths, then choose the response in line with your long-term goal.
Cultivate Resilience. Meditation helps, but it is not the only tool for resilience. A firm sense of purpose can also help reframe stressful situations. Write a personal vision and mission statement, core values, and goals. You may want to try the FranklinCovey Mission Statement Builder to get started.
Grow in compassion. If you don’t have a positive outlook, it’s difficult to have compassion for yourself and others. You can easily become consumed by self-defeating, negative self talk. Develop a more positive outlook by slowing down and deliberately savoring positive experiences. You may also consider Sharon Salzberg's Loving Kindness meditation.
Build generosity. We often associate generosity with giving something with financial value. Choosing to forgive someone who has hurt your feelings or cutting someone a little slack is also a form of generosity. Even experienced managers sometimes miss the mark when facilitating performance conversations. Be generous with empathy.
The SCARF model gives us a deeper understanding of the factors that produce the threat response during the APR process. These five strategies could be used before a performance review or anytime constructive criticism throws you off balance.