We were different. Not only in the obvious external ways. Our ideologies differed. Our temperaments differed. And our ambitions differed as well. Still, we had much in common. He was curious about other cultures. That curiosity took him away physically, but never emotionally, from the Mormon community of his upbringing to adventures around the globe, with memorable stays in Mongolia, Japan, China, Thailand, Nigerian, Guyana, and more.

I met Jared briefly at Howard University in 1999. I had just finished the doctoral program in communication and was retained as a lecturer. Our meeting was brief. I was teaching graduate communication theory classes and I felt that I needed more experience. I accepted a tenure track position at Bowie State University in the fall of 1999. Jared interviewed for a position at Bowie State after he graduated in 2002, giving me an opportunity to learn more about him. He ultimately accepted a position at George Washington University. We kept in touch.

We were both Fellows of the Sasakawa Peace Foundation. We were idealistic is our belief in the need for a kinder, gentler world. One in which people loved more and judged less. We reconnected as he sponsored a symposium for fellows at Howard University’s Ralph Bunche Center for International Affairs. We’ve been inseparable ever since. Together we received a grant from the Tokyo Foundation to study emergency preparedness and observed the impact of natural disasters in post-Hurricane Katrina New Orleans; the aftermath of the 2005 floods in Guyana, and the tsunami on Phuket, Thailand.

Later we formed the Communication and Culture Consulting Firm, designed to help organizations harness the strength of their diverse talent. Beyond our professional relationship, we were friends. Jared was often my first call to share good or bad news. I can still hear his voice after a panicked call from me outlining my latest trauma. He would pause silently and ask: “As a man, I really have the urge to try to solve this. But I feel you really prefer just to have me listen.” Jared was always saving me while building up my courage and preparing me to save myself.

Here are three lessons I’ve learned from my relationship with Jared.

1. Step out of your comfort zone. Run toward your discomfort. That’s where you experience the most growth. Jared’s experience in Mongolia, Japan, and China were assets in our work together. Don’t limit yourself by interacting only with people who look and think the way you do. Jared often stood out visiting communities with homogeneous populations. He looked beyond this momentary discomfort to cultivate lifelong friendships.

2. Get curious about differences. It is so easy to write off people who see the world differently. Jared listened attentively to understand how reasonable people could hold so firmly to views that were often diametrically opposed to his own. We were often on opposite ends of the political spectrum. Still, we listened to each other respectfully. Somedays I walked away with new, more emphatic views, sometimes he did, other times we held firmly to our belief. We were always civil.

3. Find your Jared. Stereotyping is easier when you are not standing face-to-face with the person you hold stereotypical views about.  If I could ask you to do one thing to make this world a better place, I would ask you to find your Jared. Seek out people who are different, look different, think differently and get curious about who they are and why they hold the views that they do. Don’t shame them based on yours. The more we can find humanity in others the more we can break out of our ideological camps and perhaps create new understanding.

Rest in perfect peace my good friend. You will remain forever in my heart.