Getting promoted from a journalist to an editor made me unhappy. After taking the Myers Briggs Personality Type Indicator, I understood why. I enjoy creative work, not fixing typos. I'm intuitive. I'm not a sensor. Sensors use their five senses to experience the world. Intuitives rely on their sixth sense. Sensors get stuck on typos. Intuitives get excited about ideas and possibilities.

When I was recently tasked with editorial work, I rolled my eyes on Zoom. I wasn’t aware that I did. I value others' perceptions. The reaction was brutal. I said I felt shame. The apology: “I shamed you.”

I tried to say something, to correct the perception, to explain more, to add context... When I opened my mouth, nothing came out.

The emotion, shame, triggered me. My triggered brain said: "I've had top papers, writing awards, White House press credentials, blah blah blah... If you can't see my creative genius despite a few typos that's your problem."

The more triggered I get. The more defensive I am, and the more truth I'm denying. So let's unpack the trigger.

I realized that in previous roles I felt type shamed. I’m intuitive. Many of my colleagues have been sensors. Two types that could work in perfect harmony, but not when one feels type shamed. I walked around in my triggered state during many of my previous roles… not conscious of my behavior.

Instead, I did what many employees do when triggered. I lost my voice. I couldn't get unstuck long enough to own my role in the "toxic" work culture and offer solutions I’m well trained to implement.

When I said I felt shame, I also felt empowered by the realization that I had a choice. I could walk around triggered or I could own up to the discomfort I felt when working in my non dominant task, editing.

That’s why I was deliberate in my wording. I said: “I felt shame.” I don’t know the intent. I just know the impact on me. I felt shame, in that moment, in previous roles, and every time someone equated my typos with a lack of intelligence.

My authentic self I will delete “attention to details” from my resume, turn off the camera when editing, and most importantly speak up and let others know when I’m doing tasks in my non dominant hand.

To show up better, I will slow down, focus, and practice doing tasks that require a bit more effort. My non triggered mind can do that. And hopefully, I'll keep my eyes on the camera and not the ceiling.